Wednesday, April 28, 2010

On Golf

On Golf

Golf, if you did not know, is an enormously frustrating pastime with the highest fatality rate of any known sport.

With the bodies of the fallen piling high on the greens and fairways of golf clubs around the world, the Royal and Ancient have updated the otherwise set-in-stone Rules of Golf to reflect the changes in the modern game

Rule 35
If a player shoots his opponent dead, he incurs an immediate two stroke penalty on the current hole

There is a further two stroke penalty if this occurs in a bunker and the player fails to rake the sand

In matchplay, should the player or his playing partner's ball strike the corpse, the current hole is deemed forfeit

If the ball should strike the corpse of another playing party, the player is entitled to a free drop at two clubs' length distance from the hazard, but no nearer the hole

If the corpse is lying on the green across the hole, choose another hole

There is no penalty for beating an opponent to death with one of the clubs in the golf bag, provided this occurs on the teeing ground before the player has made a stroke

Always play the corpse where it lies

Another recently introduced golf rule of which you might not be aware:

Rule 36
If caught having sex with multiple mistresses, your opponent is given a free swing at your head while you attempt to flee in a car, followed by a six-month period of not playing golf

Still, we can make 19th hole double entendres until the cows come home

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