Google Pub View

There's nothing more embarrassing* than going into a pub or bar and not knowing where the toilets are, where to find the best seats, or if there are a number of twee agricultural implements wired to the wall which may be used as weapons later in the evening.

That's no longer a problem, because I've just invented Google Pub View.

Google Pub View maps out the inside of your local, and tells you if there's a machine in the gents', what ales are on tap, or if it looks the kind of place that's full of screaming kids and/or wankers.

Google Pub View also lets you know where the pub bore** sits, so you can sit somewhere else, preferably in a decent pub up to 100 miles away.

The only downside of Google Pub View is that Google have to drive a Vauxhall Astra through the Lounge Bar, something which many landlords and breweries frown upon.

That'll be a million billion pounds please, Mr Google.

* Unless you count calling your junior school teacher "mummy", having met her in Waitrose last Saturday

** In fact, Google Pub View was invented during a long, long evening stuck with a Pub Bore. I barely got six words in all evening: "Hello", "Goodbye", and (under my breath) "Shut up, you twat".