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"Just when you thought it was safe..."
...to go back into the cinema, the Hollywood machine comes up with two pieces of trash that, I'm sorry to say, makes Apocalypse Now look like a good movie.
First comes From Justin to Kelly, an American Idol cash-in from the intellectual black hole that is Kim and Simon Fuller, the "brains" (used in its loosest possible definition) behind S Club 7. As one reviewer put it: "I'd rather swim naked in a piranha-infested pool wearing a collar with a bloody bone on it than watch this movie". And hey, take a camera, it's bound to be ten times better. It's already number two on imdb's worst movies list.
And how do you top that? One word: Gigli - a J-Lo/Ben Affleck vehicle that came off the road early on and crashes, burning and screaming into a ravine. If only they'd filmed THAT. Number one on the worst ever movies list with a bullet. Watch out for embarrassingly gushing reviews on the world's worst TV station GMTV if and when it finally limps over the Atlantic. Come on, it's J-Lo! There's still money to be squeezed out of this particular cash cow. With her personal quality filter firmly switched off (Maid in Manhattan, anyone?) it was only a matter of time before she was found out. I just hope Al Pacino and Christopher Walken got paid well for this one...
I promise never to mention bad movies on these pages ever again. Until next time.
"Smug"
"Scaryduck is a national treasure" writes this week's edition of Web User magazine. Cheers fellas, the dud cheque's in the post. That's treasure of the Gerald Ratner variety, I'll have you know. Lloyds Bank have a good old laugh at my bank balance on a regular basis.
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