Sunday, August 17, 2003

“Scaryduck’s ‘Did You Know...?’ No. 337”

It is illegal under the 1987 Mullet Prevention Act to cut someone’s hair in Great Britain without first registering as a member of the Worshipful Guild of Barbers, Hair Stylists, Toupee Fitters and Close Harmony Singers. Members are expected to undergo a rigorous training course involving :

* Proper use of scissors and electric cutters in a combat situation
* Correct dispensing technique of “something for the weekend” in order to cause maximum embarrassment to the customer
* Close harmony singing and wigs
* The proper procedure for clipping annoying kids round the ear without the parents noticing
* What to do if you accidentally cut someone’s ear off (run away)
* The reporting of mullet-wearers to the correct authorities. Many senior barbers possess the "Double-O" prefix - the legendary "licence to kill" - to deal with persistent offenders.

Anyone caught operating without a correct Barber’s Licence is liable to a six month prision sentence or face being paraded through local streets with a no.3 bowl haircut and a 1980's Top Man jumper.


Updates to this site will be patchy this week as I enjoy myself at the Weymouth Carnival, followed by a short visit from Professor Scary. So, I will endeavour to leave you on Monday with a brand spanking new Scary story.

You know the form by now: vote for "South of France", "Fireworks" or any number between one and thirty-five corresponding to an as yet unwritten story (Hint: thirty-five features Mrs Scary killing me in cold blood, leaving me as a zombie walking the Earth, updating my weblog with my cold, dead fingers).


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