Wednesday, December 01, 2004



It was bound to happen sooner or later, what with being the parent of two children of that difficult age.

"Dad - do my homework for me."

The lazy little sods.

"It's maths."


"And you've got to show your workings."

"Oh, spoons."

Here, you have a go if you think you can do any better:

Q: Johnny has £7.20 in 10p pieces, whilst Niamh has £11.60 in 20p pieces. Who has the most coins, and how many?
A: Johnny has 14 more, just get used to it. But extra credit to Niamh for having a) a stupid name and b) the nous to rob phone boxes.

Q: Which number between 30-60 is a common multiplier of 3, 4 and 8?
A: 48. However, I am unable to reproduce the synaptic pathways that got me to this answer on two-dimensional paper. In a future society, or with unlimited funding which may involve experiments on lower primates and teachers, I hope that, one day, this may be possible.

Q: Polly has a photo album of 48 pages which takes 10 photos on each page. If she has filled the first and last pages, how many more photos can she fit into the album?
A: "Photographs"? What a quaint, old-fashioned idea. The answer is 460, because my dad says so.

Q: Which number under 50 is a common multiplier of 6, 7 and 14?
A: x=[a(sin y)-by+z/e]/c where y exists in a parallel dimension and z is travelling at the speed of light, c.
It follows that: y=x(tan z)a/2x+z(cos a) where x tends towards entropy.
Simplifying the terms: "What do you get when you multiply eight and six?" = 42.

"Dad, you're such a smart b-word".

With any luck, Scaryduckling will never ask me again.

Top Tip!

Builders! When you get sacked from a job because of your shoddy work and unrealistic demands, it's best not to allow your harpy of a wife to follow your former clients around in your recently-acquired-on-credit Land Rover Discovery. It's crap, and makes her look a bit mental.

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