Tuesday, May 24, 2005

On Science, again

On Science, again

I'm getting the hang of this science business and I am now deluging every scientific journal I can think of with my half-arsed ideas. So much so, the people at the po-faced medical journal The Lancet hate my guts with a passion reserved only for Crazy Frog - you would have thought they could have used something to cheer up and otherwise drab, boring publication filled with hideous skin conditions and adverts for sticky plasters.

In which case, the miserable gits won't be getting the benefit of my latest study into the male/female domestic conflict nexus, otherwise known as Coleman's First Law of Clothes Shopping In The Company of your Wife.

1. Pay attention. She’ll be asking questions later.
2. Keep smiling even when you're three hours in and somehow back in the first shop you visited.
3. Don't try to be a clever bastard.

In particular, don't pre-record a set of stock answers onto your dictaphone in a flash of brilliance brought on by abject boredom - "Yeah, looks great", "Suits you", "Love it, go on, try it on!" - to play back at opportune moments during your shared shopping experience. This is likely to result in a massive cleave to the bollocks in the footwear department at Debenhams.

Wives, it turns out, don't do embarrassment.

Oh lordy! Robber Rabbit updated with my latest Guardian-related brush with fame. It's all "me me me" round here.

And double Lordy! That bloody penguin's out of prison again.

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