Tuesday, April 04, 2006

More of my car shame

More of my car shame

The Austin Allegro Equipe. Mine didn't come with the half-naked floozie optionThe other day, I listed all the cars I've ever owned as part of My Car Shame confession. It struck me then how many of these were so-called "Special Editions" of well-known, useless models.

Of course, there is no such thing.

They only make "special editions" of cars for one reason: to get rid of the ones they can't sell. At the end of every production run, they end up with loads of spare bits of car which they need to clear out before all the new parts come in. If they can cram them together into one chassis and cover up the joins with a metallic paint job and a sun-roof, so much the better. If they call them "limited editions", then you're entirely likely to get idiots to actual paying genuine cash money for them. You know, idiots like me.

This is why I ended up with a Peugeot 205 with an engine which was built in both 1987 AND 1988. And why my Escort has several key components from a tractor under the bonnet. And why my All-Aggro had and Austin Maxi engine. And, of course, why my Fiat Strada was also part-owned by the Italian army. One of my "special editions" was so "special", I actually had to find a radio with a cassette player for it. Cutting edge.

So, when you see them advertising "special editions" on the electric telly, they are selling you the factory floor sweepings, shoved into a skip and put of wheels. Sometimes even the right number of wheels. Then I'll buy it.

On Foreign Swears

My friend Tony is married to a Portugueser.

On a visit to Lisbon, her dad took him to see Benfica play football. Our Tony likes his football, and soon got into the swing of things.

As the ball goes out of play, he's pointing to the pitch shouting "Corner! Corner!"

Unfortunately, "Corner", especially when spoken by an over-excited Geordie, is remarkably similar to the word "cona" - Portuguese for "cunt".

Live and learn. He certainly did.

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