Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Operation Manky Garden, again, again

Operation Manky Garden, again, again

If you're arriving late, you may want to read this and this, on my attempt to join the greats of SCIENCE, such as Newton, Einstein and that bloke off Brainiac, as I undertake an experiment in growing tomatoes from freshly laid turds.

It is done.

On Easter Sunday, as we celebrate Our Lord's miraculous resurrection from the grave, I set to work, hoping for something similar for my breakfast, lunch and tea.

While you were stuffing your faces with Easter Eggs, I've been unhappily munching on tomatoes in the name of SCIENCE.

Virgin ground. But not for long
A plot has been found in a secret location somewhere on a straight line drawn on a map between Oxfordshire and Dorset.

Stone the crows! Fossilised duck turds!
A hole was dug to precise, predetermined measurements, and the feet placed on carefully measured pads to prevent accidental back-fouling of the trousers.

Simulated doneing a poo, on account of the author buggering up the real shot
Done a poo.

What did you expect? You filthy pervert
It sat there, glowering in its steaming malevolance, daring me to cover it over, water it in, and diligently mark the time, place and weather conditions. And if the neighbours were watching.

Hosepipe ban? What hosepipe ban? Not round these parts, guy
And, clothes-peg on my nose, and rubber gloves protecting my delicate skin, the hole was thankfully filled and watered over in the traditional manner. No, that's not what you think. I simply possess poor hosepipe skills.

Now, all we can do it wait. Wait for the tomatoey goodness to burst forth from the ground like a zombie hungry for brains.

Or is it?

You can now celebrate this quantum* leap in scientific experimentation by playing Scaryduck: Done a Poo, Rikaitch's excellent computer game of the blog of the duck's bottom. With added Sarah Beeny, and for some reason, a picture of the public toilets on Weymouth seafront.

To save Rik's webspace from imploding, I've stored the file on several free file upload services:

Uploading.com: HERE, Hyperupload.com: HERE or Ultrashare.net HERE.

Disclaimer: 900kB upload, installs .exe file to your hard drive, so best not tried at work if you value your job. Probably only works on Windows, I dunno. Neither Scary nor Rik can accept and responsibility if it breaks your computer, burns your house down, kills and eats your close family and shags your dog. So nyer. Comes with uninstall key for when you decide it's crap.

Go! Play! Report back with high score!

* ie very small

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