Am I going mad?
I remember a time, a time when I was far too old to be watching childrens' television seeing a cartoon about a duck. A duck called Quackkwo. Or Kwakkwo. Or something.
Anyhoo, it was on Channel 4, around the same time as the utterly mental Pob's Programme, and I appear to be the only person on God's Earth to remember it and it's brainworm theme-tune.
Quackkwo. Or Kwakkwo was an origami duck, just swum along a paper river in glorious stop-motion animation, singing his little song. That was until he came across some monstrous origami obstacle barring his way, and he'd go "Quaa-a-a-a-ck" and work out some way of getting round it. This usually involved unfolding himself and becoming something else made out of origami paper. Then, he'd fold himself back into a duck and continue on his way down the river, singing his little song.
Tell me, people, that you saw this too.
Tell me I'm not making this up.
Tell me I'm not typing this with my toes whilst wearing a tight-fitting 'cuddle-jacket'.
I am not mad.
And your reward:
A YouTube video of Cigarette Smoking Man's bitter Forrest Gump-style soliloquy in a surprisingly touching episode of The X-Files, one of my most favourite TV moments, ever.
"Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat.
"Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but they're gone too fast and taste is fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits of hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. If you're desperate enough to eat those, all you got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers."
No vote-o today, because I'm going to disgust you with a story about my armpit for my Friday tale of mirth and woe. Please be prepared with a pair of nail scissors and a large supply of tissues. Kleenex, by preference.