Welcome to Hell. Celebrity Hell. And here's your host: Dale Winton.
Unlike Dante's version where the lightweight copped out at nine, there are twenty circles of celebrity hell, each one worse and more woeful than the last.
Look at this version of Hades as the polar opposite of the Scaryduckworth-Lewis Method, with the knobs turned up to eleven. You might wish to take a couple of deep breaths and bowk it all up now, before we get started.
Ready - - and we're in....
1. Jade Goody unshaven open-leg photography
5. Ann Widdecombe's boudoir of bondage
11. Jimmy Carr pulling himself off over laminated pictures of Top Gear's "The Stig".
17. Baroness Thatcher sandpaper-dry frottage
18. Bernard Manning anal action (receiving)
19. Bernard Manning anal action (giving)
20. Carol Vorderman shafting Des Lynam with a strap-on made from the reclaimed shin bone of Richard Whiteley. (from Gir) *boik*
Your suggestions more than welcome, you depraved people - this list will evolve into something utterly dreadful. But only with your gift of love.