I am excellent. I know that. You know that. In fact, I have been endowed with excellent super powers, powers which set me apart from the rest of humanity. And unlike those rubbish superheroes you get, I have no desire to see Lois Lane naked. Except, perhaps, the Teri Hatcher version. OK, and Elastigirl.Cower, then, mortals, before my real-life super powers:
* Fist of Restitution: The ability to fix any broken electrical item by hitting it very hard.
* Poo of Doom: The ability to block any water course with three metric tonnes of ferro-concrete
* Pedant-o-vision: Common one amongst us super-beings this. The ability to spot a typo or spelling mistake in a menu instantly, before complaining bitterly to the waiter (breadbin)
* Digestion of Steel: The ability to process anything that upset waiting staff might put into your food as a result of Pedant-o-vision. I strongly advise against ordering the clam chowder.
* Desktop Decepticon: The ability to hit [windows key] + M the second the boss takes a peek at your PC screen, hiding the fact that you may, actually, not be doing any work at all (see also AltTab of Lightning).
I know it's a drag, but, Lord, using my powers for good is such a chore.
Disclaimer: My underwear remains inside my regular clothing at all times. What kind of pervert do you think I am?
You too, dear reader, are "special". What powers do you possess?
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