Monday, November 03, 2008



This weekend, for reasons far too complicated to explain, I found myself in the back rooms of a local church. Taking a peek in the refrigerator, to see if I could find a splash of milk to go with my plastic cup of scout hut tea, I found that our local zombie worshipers keep no less than SIX tins of squirty cream.

As a noted BLASPHEMER, who has in the past personally made Baby Jesus cry on several occasions, I ask this pertinent question: For what reason does a church need six tins of squirty cream?

Not being any great shakes with religious symbolism, I am nonetheless aware of the fact that certain branches of the faith regard the communion wafer to be – quite literally – the body of poor, dead-yet-not-dead-because-he's-excellent Jesus, while the wine becomes his blood, spilled on the cross at the time of His passion.

The communion wafers at this particular branch of the faith, one can only assume, must be the best on the planet, although the symbolism as to what the squirty cream could represent is lost on me.

The Coming of the Lord = The Wrong Answer = BLASPHEMY.

I expect He just has great birthday parties.

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