On the niceties of washing your kecks
Dear Uncle Scary,
Like everybody in EastEnders, for whom the technology has clearly passed them by, I have to go to a laundrette to get my washing done.
Sadly, the tumble drier is invariably hogged by one customer who loads his greying rags into the drum before buggering off to the pub for three hours, returning only when he's had a skinful and spilling doner kebab juice all over my freshly-washed lingeries.
What, I ask, is the correct etiquette in these circumstances? Clearly I cannot stand on a stool and dump a steaming, fresh turd into the tumble drier by way of punishment because:
a) I have to use it next, and
b) there is a 'No standing on stools and dumping a steaming, fresh turd into the tumble drier' sign that prohibits such acts.
Similarly, opening the drier, removing his fetid clothes and drying my own might appear a tad forward and is simply not British.
What should I do? You're my last chance!
Albert O'Balsam, Emmer Green
Follow him home and crap through his letterbox. It's the only language these curs understand.
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