Thursday, January 15, 2009

On laundretiquette

On laundrette etiquette

On laundretiquette

On the niceties of washing your kecks

Dear Uncle Scary,

Like everybody in EastEnders, for whom the technology has clearly passed them by, I have to go to a laundrette to get my washing done.

Sadly, the tumble drier is invariably hogged by one customer who loads his greying rags into the drum before buggering off to the pub for three hours, returning only when he's had a skinful and spilling doner kebab juice all over my freshly-washed lingeries.

What, I ask, is the correct etiquette in these circumstances? Clearly I cannot stand on a stool and dump a steaming, fresh turd into the tumble drier by way of punishment because:

a) I have to use it next, and

b) there is a 'No standing on stools and dumping a steaming, fresh turd into the tumble drier' sign that prohibits such acts.

Similarly, opening the drier, removing his fetid clothes and drying my own might appear a tad forward and is simply not British.

What should I do? You're my last chance!

Hopelessly yours,

Albert O'Balsam, Emmer Green

Dear Albert

Follow him home and crap through his letterbox. It's the only language these curs understand.

Your pal,

Uncle Scary

On comments

I've been told that some people can't see the new-style JS-Kit/Haloscan comments, so I've decided to switch to those supplied by Blogger.

They'll run in parallel for a week or so, then I'll delete one or the other.

Please direct any complaints about the comments box to the comments box.

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