I'm Jake the PegIddle iddle iddle um
With the extra leg
Iddle iddle iddle um
So sang TV's Rolf Harris in his hit song about an unfortunate man's life with an additional limb.
Or did he?
Far from being a ditty about the eponymous Jake's struggles through life where the only benefit is getting a free parking space in the centre of town, the song - it emerges - has an entirely different meaning altogether.
In fact, if we refer to the original version, released at last under a Freedom of Information request, we hear the stark truth about this particular hit song, along with the first recorded use of now-familiar 'l33t speak'.
I'm Rolf the Harris
And I am excellent
I've got an enormous pecker
LOLOLOL
With the rest of the - frankly, unprintable - lyrics bragging on how Mrs Harris walks like John Wayne after a week in the saddle, and how he once poked the Australian Cultural Attache's eye out at an offical barbecue when a pretty lady hove into view at an inopportune moment.
No wonder - with the frightening Mary Whitehouse on the rampage - the young Rolf decided to hide the real meaning of the song behind a comedy pair of trousers and a shoe tied to his bell-end.
"Can you tell what it is yet?" TV's Rolf Harris asks us.
"Yes, Rolf," we reply, "Yes we can."
Don't get me started on Two Little Boys.
Dead Pool: Transfer window now open.
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