Wednesday to the park in order to watch the very fine RAF Red Arrows strut their stuff over the clear, blue skies of Weymouth Harbour.We are not alone, for we gather around Henry VIII's cliff-top Sandsfoot Castle with a crowd numbering in the dozens to witness the annual spectacle with forms the climax of the town carnival.
OK, the sacrificing TO DEATH of last year's Carnival queen is the real climax, but that's an event open only to a select few. Said too much.
While tens of thousands cram into the town centre to watch the show, we select few go to the park, it being directly underneath where the Arrows turn on the proverbial sixpence for the next run up the beach, strafing the collected hordes of grockles with their 30mm Aden cannons.
It's loud. Very loud. Nine loads of 18 million pound's worth of fighter jet loud.
So, why, I ask, has that woman brought her dog?
Pooch isn't your tiny little lapdog either. He's a monster of a canine of indeterminate breed, the size of a small pony, and rather excitable to boot.
The Arrows arrive with a roar.
Fido stops shagging some pensioner's leg and instead goes utterly mental.
"Aww, bless him," says his owner, "he thinks they're a kite."
Huge, loud, aviation fuel-powered kites.
"He likes to chase kites, you know."
He does? Oh good.
And so, our expensively-trained fly-boys steam overhead in their famous 'Diamond Nine' formation, and our canine pal takes off - entirely predictably - in hot pursuit.
I can now go to my grave proud in the knowledge that I have seen a grown, middle-aged woman dragged - head first and face down - through a turd-ridden park by a king-size dog out of his head on aviation fuel.
A woman dragged head-first through a vomit-strewn hedge to the cheers of approval from the watching throng.
And straight over the cliff, with nothing but the English Channel below. And sharks. Sharks with AIDS.
"That's it," said a filth-covered wraith emerging from the undergrowth as the Arrows powered their way back to Exeter, "I'm putting you in the car."
18 comments:
Oooh Oooh...I haz a Friday furst!
We call 'em Emmet's here. Just in case you're confused, full explanation is here:
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_difference_between_an_emmet_and_a_grockle
Glad to know your life is complete in some areas.
Plz to post pictures of wraith.
Genuine office LOL at the lines:
"He likes to chase kites, you know."
He does? Oh good.
And please, please, PLEASE! no pictures of wraith.
"in the car" being a euphemism for "down"?
Brilliant. Sharks with AIDS = lots of LOL x
Yey!
My life is complete too! LOLOL.
Filth-covered wraith. LOL.
Ur wrong. Haz mirth.
And also typo. When I've been to Weymouth Carnival climax and seen the Red Arrows (from open top bus) I did not need a form.
Weymouth carnival has a climax?
Eeew.
Audrey - stupid owner, or dog?
I burst out laughing at work reading that post! I'm not sure I could have watched the arrows (although I did the other night when they performed down here) for watching that woman being dragged. I'm so cruel hehe
Did the Arrows not crash into the giant statue of Kylie Minogue that some fool councillor has erected to waste millions of taxpayer's money?
I too LOLed at this post.
Good doggy. Good doggy, indeed!
Sharks got AIDS! Oh dear, I see another big spending program to cure AIDS in sharks. The usual suspects will be wearing Shark Aid ribbons. There will be a whip around for shark condoms. They'll make a movie about Snappy the shark who gets AIDS. Tom Hanks will probably do the voice if they can't get an MP.
To the stupid dog owner:
"Warra Pirrock" !!
The Red Arrows are best seen on TV where multiple cameras can attempt to keep up with them. I saw them just the once live and was disappointed as it was just a few smoke-trailed 'Whooshes' and they'd gone!
The best I ever saw though was a few miles out from Barton Aerodrome witnessing end-on a WW2 Vulcan bomber performing a low 180 degree turn. It was formidable! (Needless to say my daft dog was left at home busy gnawing away at her latest weekly butcher's bone!).
I once saw the Red Arrows training. I was in a 757 over the Lincolnshire coast on the way to Aberdeen at the time. It was ossum. As was approaching Gatwick the following day and looking out the window wondering what the roar was and seeing Concorde passing underneath. That was ossum too.
Have a caravan at Prestwick and the Arrows occaisionally stop over at the airport here enroute to other places, love the wee fly by they do before they disapear into the wide blue.
We used to get Concorde up for training flights too with the pilots doing Touch & Go's.
Pity it always coincided with the local secondary schools O Level and Higher exams.
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