He's the boy wizard that everybody's talking about. But what does a muggle like you know about the one and only posh speccy do-gooder Harry Potter? Eh? EH?10. "What happened to
9. Little is known about the private lives of the teaching staff at Hogwarts. For example, headmaster Albus Dumbledore is only 35 years old. It's the endless cycle of swinging parties which are considered de rigeur in wizarding circles that makes him look much, much older
8. In a recent Ofsted inspection, Hogwarts was declared to be a "failing" school, with not a single GCSE pass in seven years, and the house system causing no end of bullying and hideous magical mutilations
7. Famous Hogwarts alumni include TV's Bob Monkhouse (Hufflepuff); the Rev Ian Paisley and Gerry Adams (both Slytherin); and DCI Gene Hunt (Griffindor). Despite claims to the contrary, Paul Daniels was expelled in his first week for dumping a truckload of fizzies in the swimming pool
6. Top student Hermione Grainger has been given the honour of presenting the Golden Snitch to the winner of this year's Quidditch World Cup. Unfortunately, due to a misunderstanding, she shaved the night before
5. Professor Snape, known in the school for his dour demeanour, couldn't be more different outside work hours, where he is the Indian in a Village People tribute band. Lord Voldemort plays the construction worker
4. Desperate to shake off its reputation for employing Defence Against the Dark Arts professors who turn out – with clockwork regularity – to be servants of the evil Voldemort, Hogwarts has unveiled the teacher for the forthcoming school year: Professor Dave Bin Laden, who promises his lessons will "go with a bang"
3. Hogwarts is known for its paintings that won't stay in their frames, staircases that move without prompting and giant talking spiders living in the woods. The Ofsted report had something to say about LSD in the school tuck-shop, too
2. What happened to Eddie 'Fitz' Fitzgerald, noted criminal psychologist and "Cracker"? Finding the sickening world of crime too much, he dropped out of regular life and took a job as a caretaker at a quiet boarding school. Unfortunately, you can never quite escape your past…
1. Author JK Rowling has angrily dismissed Church accusations that the Harry Potter books are somehow "anti-religious", pointing to the books' annual celebration of Christmas, and the scene in book six where Ron Weasley is nailed to a tree
Bonus FACT: Wizard Harry Potter has gone through life telling people the scar on his forehead is the result of a youthful encounter with Lord Voldemort. Wrong! It is, in fact, a paper cut from a copy of Fiesta Busty Witches magazine
10 comments:
First!
And that's a fact!
BTW Scary, I forgot to mention the typo in the first paragraph. You might like to insert the word 'like' between the words 'muggle' and 'you' for it to make a bit more sense.
Turd.
And of should be off in 4.
Gad, your both write.
Kant spel
You can't spell? Go to Hogwarts. They will learn you how to spell and other wizardy things.
You've really enhanced the series for me, here.Especially numbers 5 & 1. :)
Fantastic stuff!
One can only assume - by his glaring omission - that gitwizard David Blaine isn't amongst the celebrities in point 7 as he was expelled early in he career for sitting around doing nothing for pointlessly long periods of time.
Didn't even need to get any further than:
"For example, headmaster Albus Dumbledore is only 35 years old."
And!
"In a recent Ofsted inspection, Hogwarts was declared to be a "failing" school, with not a single GCSE pass in seven years".
Hey, just like a certain school (in a very rough area) here in Salford.
And Harry Potter is fiction????
Too many words.
I am resolved, then. Fewer words.
Post a Comment