I've just redone my funeral play-list – AGAIN – this time giving it an all-female fronted synthpop look to give the grieving loved-ones something to get down and boogie with in the aisles.The trouble is, in these days of production line send-offs, you're lucky to get half a tune as you're carried into the chapel and something uplifting at the end as the conveyor belt carts you off to your final appointment with the ovens.
All things being equal, it was pleasing to see that poor, dead Michael Jackson had the right idea by holding his funeral in a disco.
So – potentially as a plan to get the fun-fun-funeral play-list I want, but almost entirely to fulfil the prophecy of St Delboy ("This time next year, Rodders, we'll be millionaires") I am proud to announce the opening of Cinderella Grimreaperfellas – the world's first funeral night club and roller disco.
This distinction quite naturally excludes Student Union dances, which are much the same thing.
For the cheap sum of ten grand, the management at Cinderella Grimreaperfellas offers the recently departed:
- Roller-skating pall-bearers, carrying the glittering coffin to a roped-off VIP area
- Play-list of your choice (strictly no Spandau Ballet or Celine Dion)
- Complimentary bottle of bubbly for the ladies
- Smart/casual dress code
- Sexy undertaker and/or zombie strip-o-gram
And let's not forget – because we are aware of the need to ensure that traditional funeral rites are observed – the firing of the corpse out of a cannon straight up Jimmy Carr's arse as Reverend DJ plays poor, dead Coolio's I'll C U When U Get There.
That'll bring a tear to the eye.
20 comments:
And I thought I was the only one with a funeral playlist. But in a typical show of one-upmanship, my funeral will be invite-only. If I didn't like you in life, there's NO WAY you're shedding your crocodile tears and boozing up at the wake at my family's expense.
So last century -how about Twitter funeral
@skypilot69: Please join me in clicking some links as we remember Scary http://bit.ly/b2dKW LOL - about 1 minute ago from web
@skypilot69: We are gathered here today to remember a genius, Journalist and gentleman explorer LOL - about 2 minute ago from web
For some reason, I would like to attend one of these funerals and request Deeply Dippy by Right Said Fred. No point in making my own playlist - I won't hear it on account of being dead.
I want them to play Pink Floyd's "Wish you were here" when the box goes through the curtain.
My maw's already paidfor her funeral. All I'll get left with is the bill for the buns and empire biscuits after the event.
What? No Ladytron on the playlist Scary? It was lovely to hear 'She's on the phone' again though - it's been far too long. As for me, I'm settling for 'Burn Baby Burn' by Ash - the guests can wrestle in the car park for the last sausage roll
Fun funerals...HA! Not likely! When I go, I'm demanding the carriage with black horses, weeping and wailing women in accompaniment and songs and readings that will reduce the congregation to tears. Furthermore I intend to stipulate that the little old lady at the back of the chapel who nobody knows and who has probably wandered in to keep warm is sacrificed as an offering to the gods just in case the Egyptians, Mayans and Sumerians were right. Oh and just to mess with peoples heads, the processing out song..."I've got a little puppy!" by the Smurfs. BWAAAHAAAHAAAA!
My husband wanted Bat out of Hell.
I think Kaptain_Von has the right idea. That, and I want people to be *sorry* I'm dead. Not necessarily because they'd liked me/they'd miss me, but because they'll be afraid I'll come back and haunt them.
The only semi-hymn anyone is allowed to play at my fumeral will be the credit music for Vicar of Dibley but that's it. I'll be banging some serious hip hop beats at my funeral :-)
If you have time, can you head over to my blog - I need the blogosphere's advice ASAP! Thank you :-D
the Guildford Cinderella's was used as a morgue (useless but true)
I've never really thought about my funeral, I see it as SEP ... maybe they could just feed me to the lions at Whipsnade
Personally, I think the following little ditty would go down well at my funeral :
http://www.lyricsdownload.com/dope-die-mf-die-lyrics.html
No Celine Dion? Where do I sign up?
Although, I won't need a funeral. I don't plan on kicking the bucket. Ever.
I'll just stick to Talking Heads - Road To Nowhere.
Gossip at work suggests the next step in ecologically friendly FUNerals is the freeze-dry the stiff, sorry, dearly departed in Liquid Nitrogen, set about it with a hammer then give the bits to farmers to dig into their fields as a kind of ex-Human mulch.
Don't know what kind of cash-crop I want to end up in but I can think of a few family members who'd benefit from being set about with a hammer.
I like that song Billy Joel sang before he left his wife for the model, "I love you just the way you are." It needs to be sung by a female singer in zombie makeup. Those guys from the CSI TV series do good corpses.
I planned my funeral ages ago
I want everybody present to be wearing black, accesorized by party hats and red noses.
I want a 21 party popper salute and 'Always look on the bight side of life' played as one of the songs.
Just to piss people off I want the hearse and funeral procession to stop at a drive-thu McGonads where everybody has to buy a Happy Meal.
And Scary: I like the ideas for your funeral. Any idea when it's going to be yet? If so I'll mark it in my diary.
I have a playlist, too, and keep revising it and my funeral plans.
Hi there scary duck, nice post.
In the past, here in the northeast of Brazil, before the protestant puritanism reached us, we used to have quite agitaded funerals. The best way to honor a dead person was to drink "cachaça" e dance "forró" (sometimes in the same room of the coffin).
The elders would gather in front of the dead's house and tell jokes and funny stories about him or her all night.
Oh! good old times. I myself plan on having a traditional notheastern brazilian funeral when the day come.
David Aragon.
chinfras.blogspot.com/
Technology really has become completely integrated to our existence, and I am 99% certain that we have passed the point of no return in our relationship with technology.
I don't mean this in a bad way, of course! Societal concerns aside... I just hope that as the price of memory drops, the possibility of transferring our brains onto a digital medium becomes a true reality. It's a fantasy that I daydream about all the time.
(Posted on Nintendo DS running [url=http://crystalguo.vox.com/library/post/how-does-the-r4i-or-r4-work.html]nintendo dsi r4i[/url] DS NetPost)
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