On things not to do when you're bored in a meeting
So, you're in a meeting. Again.
The agenda stretches out before you like the Dead Sea Scrolls, and someone's getting all aerated about the quality of the hand soap in the gents toilets.
On no account should you allow yourself to get diverted by the contents of your mobile phone.
On no account should you even consider catching up on a few hours' sleep.
And on absolutely no account should you decide to take your incredibly expensive pen apart, stripping it down to its component parts.
Because this will almost certainly happen:
1. As you unscrew the barrel of your prize Parker pen (free with an insurance quotation that will settle those worrying 'final expenses') the spring will shoot out at a speed approaching Mach Two, and will land in someone's coffee
2. In your panic to re-assemble what is left of your heirloom writing implement, with all available hands, feet and facial cavities, the end will come off the ink cartridge and leave you covered in red ink
This will be the exact moment that your boss will ask your opinion on an important piece of workplace policy.
This opinion – I have found – is somewhat devalued if you look exactly like Heath Ledger playing The Joker.
Well done, there. Golf clap. Take the rest of the day off.