Bloody Hell's teeth, I'm an idiot.A good 30-something years ago, I read a book. I remember it well. Green, it was.
On one of the opening pages, the author went to some lengths to describe the main characters, including one girl who was "tall, with blonde beribboned hair".
Now. There was a word I'd not come up against before, and I had no idea what it meant, or even how to pronounce it. This – of course – from the youngster who thought that the world's most famous ocean liner was the "Tit an' Nick" and was openly ridiculed by his parents.
So. I was certainly not going to ask anybody what – exactly – "Berry Boned" meant, and went through life assuming that it was some sort of hair style known only to women and girls of the female persuasion, the word sitting at the back of my head, nagging away for three decades.
You simply cannot measure the mental anguish this has caused me. About three out of ten, as it happens.
Then, I woke up this morning, roused from a dream in which Sonia from EastEnders was hitting me around the head with a fence post, shouting at the top of my voice:
"It's be-ribboned. She's got ribbons in her hair. Be-bloody-ribboned, you complete ARSE."
After 33 years of HELL, I am now able go about my life. Thank you, Sonia from EastEnders, you were the second best soap lesbian ever.
23 comments:
Huh, and you chastise me about dreaming about Alfie - but SONIA? Get a life, Ducky.
I have a life. It's awful.
Awfully awesome!
Turd for noticing the bleedin obvious.
You fool! You misinterpret the dream! It is a dire warning to check the stability of your garden woodwork before the oncoming storm, no doubt described by the Met Office as 'a ribbon of atmospheric disturbance', which later turns out to be hurricane Sonia.
To be fair, I read it as berry boned at first too. But it took me about 33 seconds to realise my mistake, not 33 years...
I also had a dream about being the personal shopper of the ginger guy from CSI Miami once, just thought I'd let you know!
Sonia - Would. Is that wrong?
I am not mad.
Scary: Are you sure it was just a dream? I'd check for splinters if I were you.
Rik: Yes you are.
What other educational/prophetic dreams have you been having?
I had the same problem with miniseries in an American book
She may only have been the second best Lezza Mr Scary Duck, sah, but she was easily the best jazz trumpeter bart none the street (or square or principality or whatever it is) has ever known. Her rendition of 'Misty' was cool enough to put Miles Davis in a coma - she was particularly adept on the under utilised arse trumpet too, if I recall...a mellow tone, even on what are techinically knowed as the high notes....
God, I miss her...
xxx
Mort
Sureley the 3rd best lesbian after Beth Jordache and the ginger bint, because without the ginger bint, Beth wouldn't have been outed.
And the bestest lesbian is?
Enquiring minds want to know.
I recall only once, being told by an adult "pen-is". Meaning a willy, but in the same phrasing as "that pen is on the table).
How come no-one ever told them?
A Spanish friend once told me that she was looking for (insert outrageous accent here) "api-ness". I thought she was interested in inner contentedness, and I told her of the enjoyment I received from reading a good book. Doh!
Shouldn't that have been "Berib Boned?" For we all know what that means, don't we ladies??
*wink, wink, nod, nod*
Pseudonymph: As in Dennis Pennis? (those that haven't seen this guy, prepare to laugh like a silly or be offended.)
Dawn - yes, yes we do. ;)
Scary, don't feel bad-until recently ( a year ago) I said and heard the word "misled" correctly. However, I thought the word spelled "misled" was actually pronounced "MY-zelled". And that those two words meant the same thing.
I am 50.
You mean like the holly and the ivy kind of misled?
Scaryduck, I did the same thing. Not with beribboned, but with words like awry and hyperbole. I still say awe-ry and pronounce hyperbole like it's one better than the superbowl. When people mock me I pretend it's because I am superior to them and they are intimidated by my early reading prowess. And that's not hyperbowl at all.
Any idea how credit crunch affected porn?
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killergram
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