Tuesday, November 27, 2012

On Hells Angels and Urban Myths

We are driving. Driving in the dark.
No, not a car-based Bruce Springsteen song, we really are driving during the hours of darkness (like a boss), and a car approaches us with its lights switched off.

"Aren't you going to flash him?" asks Jane. My hand hovers over the light stalk by the steering wheel, but I linger, and the car is gone.

"Why didn't you flash him?" she asks, "He might have caused an accident."
Isn't it obvious? I thought everybody knew.
"He might be a Hells Angel on an initiation ceremony. If I flash him, he might follow us, kill us and steal our car. I thought everybody knew that."

It's true. I read it on the internet.

There is silence. A silence that seems to last for minutes, but in reality is just long enough for the meaning of my words to sink in.

"Why then," she asked, "Why was he driving a Ford Ka?"
She has a point. No Hell's Angel on a killing spree would be seen dead in a Ford Ka. I wouldn't be seen dead in a Ford Ka either, and I've hardly killed anybody.

"Perhaps... Perhaps... That's the car belonging to somebody he's killed after they flashed him. It's a competition to see how many people they can bump off for their cars."

Obviously. But she still won't be convinced.
"I am still not convinced. I mean - why don't you hear about these Hells Angels killing sprees on the TV? If they all went on killing sprees, we'd never hear the last of it."

Good grief do I have to explain everything? Explain the massive Hells Angel Killing Spree Cover-Up that mis-reports Hells Angel Killing Sprees as alien abductions, or people "going on very, very long holidays, and they never come back ever" because the Hells Angels on Killing Sprees are simply a very hard branch of the Freemasons who control the way we think, act, and the information we receive. This is a conspiracy of silence that goes to the very heart of our society, simply because people like to drive a Ford Ka without any lights.

But we arrive home, and I do not tell her.

I am not mad

EDIT: I have been approached by a gentleman connected to a certain motorcycle club, who informs me that the Hells Angels style guide dictates that there is no apostrophe in neither 'Hells' nor 'Angels'. I am happy to put this right. He also tells me that there are no top secret initiation ceremonies. But he would say that, wouldn't he?

EDIT, again: This post also - without any malice on my part - makes Jane look like a stupido by way of the words I have put into her mouth. This is not the case, and I am happy to point out that Jane is not a stupido at all, and I am - in fact - a ginormous bumface. 

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