It's a little-known fact that pirates were a central - yet scandalously unreported - part of the whole Christmas tale, with Mary and Joseph finding their way to Bethlehem with the use of an old treasure map, and finding the stable in which Jesus was born was wired up with pirate cable television.
The evidence is there to see in the Bible, too...
The Angel of the LORD came down to the Virgin Mary and sayeth: "You're a bit of alright. Here, hold my bottle of rum..."
And Mary went to the carpenter Joseph and married him. "Joseph", sayeth she as he looked up from the peg-leg he was making for Long John Cohen, "I am with child"
And, lo, the Angel of the LORD came down and sayeth unto the shepherds: "Arrrr, ye lubbers. Get ye down to Davy Jones's City and worship ye KING OF KINGS, born this day to a comely wench or thee shall be keel hauled like a scurvy knave"
And three wise men came from the east: Melchior, Caspar, and Cut-Throat Jake, and with them they brought pieces of eight, myrrh, and a bottle of rum
Let's not forget all those pirate-themed Christmas carols:
Away in a Mang-AAAARRRRR
...and many, many others which I cannot be arsed to think up right now.
Let's hear it for Christmas! And Pirates! CHRISTMAS AND PIRATES!