Monday, September 16, 2013

First World Problems: Not getting free stuff

You know those times when they come down your street pushing little paper bags through your door that say "Leave this bag outside tomorrow and we'll fill it with free samples of stuff"; so you leave the bag outside to get your free samples of stuff, but they never come back with their free samples of stuff, and you're sad because the bag's still on your doorstep, getting soggy in the rain, waiting forlornly for your free samples of stuff.


And this ain't the first time either. I'm still waiting for my free carton of fruit juice from three months ago.

That – my friends – is the very definition of Middle Class Angst.
And you know that somewhere there's some light-fingered ne'er-do-well necking your free carton of cranberry juice, munching on your free Special K straight out of the box, feeding the free cereal bar to their dog-onna-string and you know deep down that you want to rip out their lungs, fill them with helium and give them to a small child as a toy.

But I shall do nothing of the sort. I will just sit on the doorstep, eyeing the limp, empty paper bag, rocking back-and-forth and railing against the world over my lost breakfast cereal that I don't even like.

Here ends today's lesson on the cruel nature of the human condition.

UPDATE: A happy ending! Kellogg's saw this post and have arranged vouchers. Hooray! 


Audrey said...

What's really humiliating though, is when you leave out a bag of clothes for the Sally army and the tramps come and see what you wear then out of pity leave you their clothes.

Paul Martin said...

Scary, I hate not getting free stuff. Why don't they just leave the free stuff on your doorstep instead of a paper bag..?

That way, if said free stuff is nicked, you are non the wiser. Should it be there when you get home... hey presto! Free stuff.

And it would save them costs of A: Employing people to leave paper bags on your doorstep, and B: The actual costs of said paper bag and printing costs, plus various peripheries.

Job done.

Dioclese said...

Actually, it turns your front door step into an advertising billboard

Jack Inn said...

I've got plenty of boxes. Is there a box shortage in some places?

Chris said...

Hold on... you get a bag pushed through your letterbox, which you then have to put back outside, and then they come back and fill up the bag they delivered the day before?

Seems like a lot of extra work for them (I suppose it saves on actual sample product, but then they're not delivering samples to people who don't know they they will like the product, only to people who presumably already know and want and probably buy it, so it seems like a false economy, and misses the point of handing out samples).

First I've heard of this. If I get free stuff delivered, and it happens rarely, it's always a sample-size pack pushed through the letterbox or left outside.

Tetley Estate Selection said...

Nice plan Scary. I see from your update that it worked. Be a bit more adventurous and see if you can free cuppas.

Keith said...

Somebody has started a Food Bank in this area (Salvation Army?) to help the poor who are struggling to heat and eat.

I found a polythene bag on my doorstep a few weeks ago asking for tinned and packeted food donations It said "soup, beans, meals etc welcomed. Please do not give tinned food containing ham, pork, bacon or sausages". So I put two tins of Morrisons fish flavoured cat food in the bag. . . . They took it!

Anonymous said...

They just did exactly the same thing down our street. It's now 21:15 and the bags still on my door step and still empty. No doubt someone, somewhere is selling a lot of special K on ebay.

Some scam!