Thursday, November 29, 2007

On unwanted phone calls

On unwanted phone calls

And so the phone rings.

It being about half-past six, I am honing my hunter-gatherer instincts, flailing about up to my elbows in 600g of Asda chicken fillets and a short-dated stir-in chicken korma mix to provide for my ravenous family who are but one meal away from going wild.

You can guarantee -when the phone rings at that hour - that buggery is afoot.

And so it appears to be:

Phone Centre Drone: Good evening Mr Duck, I'm conducting a market research survey for Wanker Industries.

Me: Oh, Arse!

Phone Centre Drone: I wonder if you could... I beg your pardon?

Me: Oh, nothing. Nothing. Do go on.

Phone Centre Drone: I wonder if you could spare a few minutes to answer some questions?

Me: I'd be delighted

Phone Centre Drone: (suspiciously) You would?

Me: Yes. Yes I would. But only after you've helped with my survey.

Phone Centre Drone: (now utterly confused at being dragged away from her script) Bu... bu... what?

Me: I'm trying to find out how long any given call centre operator takes to disconnect the line after I say three carefully selected words

Phone Centre Drone: Um... Are you sure?

Me: Sure I'm sure. This won't take a second

Phone Centre Drone: OK... try me

Me: Telephone. Preference. Service.

Phone Centre Drone: Mwaaaaaargh.....*click*

0.00003 seconds. A new record.

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