Monday, February 17, 2003


It has been brought to my attention that the latest fashion statement for young ladies is the low-slung pair of jeans. Now, I've got nothing against fashion, I am especially indebted, as a man advancing in years, to whoever it is who has decreed that the tight white t-shirt is fashionable for the eighth year in a row. But, alas, the Fashionistas have spoken.

Now, on a filthy rich supermodel the low-slung jean probably looks quite good. After all, their backsides are used for nothing except as an entry/exit point for the enema tube, and with the latest teflon thread technology, there is always the risk factor involved insofar as they've got very little to hold the clothes on. A bit of supermodel builder's bum may get a few people a little excited, especially if you're the kind of person who gets turned on by people who have second job as an olympic javelin.

However, on normal-sized people, like the other 99.999% of people in the known world, low slung jeans on regular-sized arses are a recipe for disaster, especially if the wearer is still clinging on to last year's hideous fashion of bare navels. A man has enough trouble knowing where to look as it is, and there are enough distractions for the average road-user without introducing another.

So let me, as a man of the world say this: Ladies - Know Your Limits! If you want a builder's bum, get a job as a brickie. And I've got somewhere to park my bike as it is.

This message has been brought to you by the Dirty Old Men's Society of Great Britain (Honourary President: Bernard Manning)

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