Saturday, February 22, 2003

"The Blacklist"

There are now fifty-two official Scaryduck Stories (see the whole list HERE). There are also four in reserve, plus another twenty-five under development. However, due to reasons of taste, decency and the fact that I may be forced to resort to fiction, the following tales may never appear on this site:

* The time we pretended to be Catholic Priests to try to pull nuns
* The time nothing got blown up, destroyed or otherwise smashed into a million pieces
* The time we got mixed up in the civil war in Nicaragua
* The time Samantha Fox and Linda Lusardi came round my house, begging me for sex
* The time I told Uri Geller to fuck off
* The time I was nearly on Blue Peter
* The time the Virgin Mary appeared to me in a digestive biscuit
* The time I puked in the swimming pool at RAF Waddington
* The time my dog shagged Sebastian Coe’s leg
* The time Sarah, Duchess of York invited me back to see her priceless collection of antique polo mallets
* The time I got kicked out of a job interview for laughing when the boss introduced himself as “Mr Bender”
* The time I accidentally mooned the Lady Mayoress of Nottingham

Two of the above episodes actually happened, and I may have mentioned one of them at least once or twice before in passing. Penguin Pie for the first correct guesses. And it wasn’t the puke one. We never found the culprit. It was someone else, I swear.

The “under-development” list has swelled from twenty to twenty-five in the time it has taken me to write this entry. You should be getting the benefit of this brainstorm in about six months at the present rate of publishing, you lucky people. In the meantime, you have a choice. Tomorrow, I shall post one of "Rocket", "Gun Club", "Electricity" or "Cross Country". Vote in the "Speak Your Brains" section. That is all.

The Scaryduck Archive

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