When is this so-called government going to do something about the menace of mobile telephones in our once-proud nation?
In my day, one had to apply to the Post Office for a telephonic device, wait two years, only to be turned down because you did not possess the necessary academic, property and racial qualifications. These days, any Tom, Dick or Harry can walk into a shop and gain access to this potentially dangerous technology, using it for their own nefarious, and dare I say criminal ends.
On leaving my club yesterday, I espied one of these devices being used by - of all creatures - a woman. Horrified, I discovered it was Mrs Clackershaft, the popular cloak-room attendant in the Harpo who has worked there for twenty-seven years with never a blemish to her name. Naturally, I had her dismissed on the spot, and flogged by the rest of the committee.
Good grief, they’ll be giving them to children, our Commonwealth bretheren and people living in terraced housing next, and mark my words, this can only lead to the kind of revolution that would make Passchendaele look like a walk in the park. We can say goodbye to the “Great” in Great Britain and that other word in Scunthorpe. Hang the blighters high!
I am not mad.
Lt Col Winston St John Cholmondeley-Cholmondeley Patel (Mrs)
Read the Colenel's entire correspondence with the editor of Sheepfancier's Gazette here.