I've spotted a niche in the market, and this time next year, Rodders, we'll be millionaires. I have devised a type of self adhesive yellow notepaper which can be used to jot down short memos and aides memoire and left where they can be seen. And here's the twist - each one will be over-printed with a large pair of ladies' norks. With these Post-Tit notes I'll be rich! RICH!
The further wit of Scaryduck Jr
I'm beginning to have misgivings about my parental influence over my son. Not only does he - worryingly - describe me as "the best dad in the world", but he's also started to think like me. Still disappointed over not capturing his brain-jarring collision with Sandsfoot Castle on videotape, thus netting us a fortune on You've Been Framed, his suggest was simple: "Dad, you get the camera, I'm off to my room to invent a time machine."
He has since invented a new word: peff.
Peff: 1. Noun. Vomit. "Good grief, did you see all that peff by the bus stop this morning?" 2. Verb. To vomit. "Don't eat all those sweets, you'll peff lumps."
Funnily enough, the day he invented this word, which I shall endeavour to use in everyday convseration, he ignored the advice about eating too many sweets, and spent the evening peffing multicoloured vomit well into the night.
I'm so old...
...having finally caved in to the hype and bought "A Grand don't come for Free", I remember The Streets being famous the first time around. Except, way back then, he went under the name "Jilted John".
"Gordon is a moron..."
Meanwhile, over at Robber Rabbit, a few problems with a frighteningly pushy and lightly-oiled Kirstie Allsopp.