Life is full of little disappointments, and reality never, ever lives up to expectations. I should know, because I often spend days, weeks at a time planning things down to the most minute of details, and come the big day it is immediately apparent from the off that her clothes will be staying on.
I also know this because I support Arsenal Football Club.
Things that have disappointed me at some stage or other in my life include:
* All internet dating
* Meeting your favourite footballer, who turns out to be an enormous knob
* Ultravox's eighth studio album, which both sucked and blowed
* The Olympic handover party. It may have been a 'big screen on the beach' event, but it was exactly like the Life of Brian 'Sermon on the Mount' scene, right down to the fight caused by a bloke from Nose City
* Discovering that not-quite-namesake Jaz Coleman – hard-as-nails lead singer from the otherwise excellent popular beat combo Killing Joke – is actually called Jeremy
Things which have NOT been a disappointment:
* August 15th 1987 & May 26th 1989
* Meeting N. Gaiman, who is excellent
* [sappy entry alert] Mrs Duck & the Ducklings
Meanwhile, backstage at the Killing Joke reunion gig:
Killing Joke's Geordie: Hey, Jaz. Seen this BRILLIANT website?You know what I'm going to ask: Plz to add your own
Jaz Coleman: Fuck, yeah. Scaryduck. It's fantastic.
Killing Joke's Geordie: You do realise his real name's Alistair?
Jaz Coleman: Bloody hell, that's made it shit, hasn't it?
Killing Joke's Geordie: Yes. Yes it has.