On being left-handed
All the best people, I have decided, are left handed.
This has everything to do with the fact that your humble author does everything left-handed, except:
a) play golf, which is clearly a sport that's been built the wrong way round, and
b) wipe my bottom
The only problem with this observation is that when shaking hands with a righty, I am using my good hand to shake with somebody else's bottom mitt.
No wonder I'm a freak in polite company if "Left or right? LEFT OR RIGHT?" is screaming through my head every time I meet somebody new.
To illustrate my point on how EXCELLENT left-handers are, you will note the following people are or were all left-handed. EXCELLENT people, doing EXCELLENT things for the continued EXCELLENCE of our civilisation.
* The Boston Strangler
* Bill Gates
* Jack the Ripper
* Uri Geller
* Billy the Kid
* Paul Daniels
* The Emperor Tiberius
* Diego Maradona
* Ronald Reagan
* Robbie out of EastEnders
* Phil Collins
* General Zod
Kneel! You will kneel before Zod, all-knowing master of the left-handed empire that will last 10,000 years. Mwa ha ha haaaaaaaargh!
Albert Einstein was one of us as well, as is all pornography produced since 1968.
What are you? Left or right? Sinister or Dexter?