Monday, October 06, 2008

On lazy blogging, again

On lazy blogging, again

Every once in a while I open a word file with the filename "aaaaaaargh.doc" and share with my lucky, lucky readers the contents therein.

It is – for those of you of a nervous disposition – the best (or worse, depending on your point of view) of my referrer logs, the search terms bewildered web users have entered into Google to reach these pages.

As you'd expect, it is an awful peek into the mind of the kind of person they let onto the internet these days (current company notwithstanding). You know: twisted, foul, perverted and ever so slightly retarded.

The most terrifying part of the cavalcade of filth that follows is that somebody obviously started looking for certain *cough* niche interest scud, continually refined their search terms when confronted by unsuitable results, yet the link to my site is often several pages in. Having not found 'Cliff Richard scat' play on the first 147 results, they thought it might be on this blog. Were they ever in for a disappointment.

I haven't bothered with links this time, and I've starred out some of the swears. I must be getting old.

* porn star girls being fucked an having there tits sucked by young boy and 60 year old men pictures
I really, really love ultra-specific niche pron requests. There's GOT to be age-gap tit-sucking jazz out there. Somewhere

* vanessa feltz topless pictures
You sick, sick bastard. Wasn't the sight of The Orange One in a skin-tight jumpsuit on Hole In The Wall enough for you?

* old grannys having sex with horses
You've got to take it where it's offered at that age, I suppose

* mild cerebal palsy and rape
Words cannot do justice as to how wrong this one is. In fact I give this one 11 out of wrong. He could at least learn to spell, mind.

When you find it mate, send me the link

* i felt grandads cock slide into my c**t
*boilk* The missing word, for those of you who are easily offended is 'coot', and this refers to an old chap teaching a blind relative how to stuff poultry

* personal stories of unwanted frottage on trains
Sorry, bloke. I've only got personal stories of unwanted frottage on buses and nuclear submarines

* russian ladies making the gents slaves to eat their shit
That Vladimir Putin's got a lot to answer for


* Keith Chegwin anal sex
Cheggers Plays Plop, anyone?

What has been seen cannot be unseen. I do not apologise in the slightest.

Edit: And another one, arrived this very morning...

* women putting a tin of kidney beans up her c**t
I do hope she remembered to soak them overnight

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