On Bring Your Leopard to Work Day
From: Stacey Chipperfield, Human Resources
To: All Staff
Subj: Bring your Leopard to Work Day
Just a quick reminder that tomorrow is Bring Your Leopard to Work Day, and we look forward to seeing as many people as possible bringing in their big cats and collecting loads and loads of money for CHARITY!!
However, to avoid a repeat of last year's unpleasantness, we are laying out a few ground rules to keep casualties to a minimum.
* Leopards only, please. Last year Aussie Bruce brought in his dingo and there was hell to pay. Leave your lions, performing bears and jaguars at home – Bring Your Tiger to Work Day is NEXT Tuesday
* We regret that we cannot allow fancy dress this year. Family, friends and colleagues are still mourning the death of Frieda from Accounts, whose 'Gazelle' costume was far too realistic for our feline friends!!
* All Leopards must stay within the confines of your office space, or be placed in the 'Leopard Creche' in the Conference Room. This shouldn't clash with the Board of Directors' Annual All-Meat Buffet And Offal Fight to be held over lunch -they'll let us know if there's any inconvenience.
* The Afternoon Leopard Race, an important part of the day's fun, will now be held in the shopping precinct. St Joseph's Primary School were unable to lend us their field as this will interfere with the Puppy Juggling Act they have lined up for the kiddywinks!! 'Meat' outside Dewhurst the Butchers at 3pm!! It's pension day –so we're guaranteed a large, appreciative crowd of elderly and infirm onlookers, quite unable to flee if a large carnivorous beast should hunt them down like a crippled wildebeest!!
We're pleased to announce that TV's Martin Clunes has agreed to judge the Best Dressed Leopard contest. Let's hope that he has more success than poor, dead TV's Ross Kemp. I'm sure you'll agree – EastEnders just hasn't been the same without him :(
Remember: The idea behind Bring Your Leopard To Work Day is to have FUN FUN FUN for KIDDIES CHARITIES!! Don't spoil it for other people by feeding your leopard the night before.
Have a fun day - hope to 'spot' you there!!!