Wednesday, October 08, 2008

On Haunted Room Two, again

On Haunted Room Two, again

"'Ello, Mr Duck," says our cheerful security guard, "What can I do you for?"

"Key to Haunted Room Two, please," I reply.

"Yeah, right, like it really is haunted," he replies, and in truth, we have had this conversation before, with the realisation that the person who told me about Haunted Room Two being haunted might have been, as they say, in his cups at the time.

"I've seen a ghost round here, though," I tell him, informing him of the looming presence in the executive washroom on the first-and-a-half floor.

"What? Stephen Fry?"

Yes. Poor, dead Stephen Fry.

"Tell you something, this place is crawling with spooks" he says, "I saw something the other night. Right weird it was – a mist, with a dim light in the middle. Floating about with the wind, then against the wind, just like it was walking up an' down."

"No, that wasn't a ghost," I argue, just for argument's sake, "that was probably some purely innocent natural phenomenon."

"Yes it was, an' I can prove it."

"What you saw," I explain, shining a red light into his face, "was a bank of fog reflecting the light from the planet Venus."


"The Planet Venus. Where did you say you saw this so-called ghost?"

"Down by the graveyard."

"You could have a point, then. Just be careful with the Ghostbusters Proton Pack."

"I've been on the training course. Don't cross the streams."

This is also good urinal etiquette, so let it not be said that we never teach you anything on these pages.

Of course, we all know that crossing the streams is A Bad Thing, though not in an end-of-civilisation-as-we-know-it sense if you do it in a public toilet. You will merely have your faced kicked off.

So, back to the chase.

Ten minutes later...

> RING! <

"'Ello, security!"

"Clean up squad to Haunted Room Two, please. Ectoplasm EVERYWHERE."


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