Friday, April 10, 2009

Mirth and Woe: Levitation

Mirth and Woe: Levitation

"Did you know," asked Geoff, who was a bit of a did-you-know kind of person, "Did you know that you can move things by the power of your mind?"

No. No, I did not. But I was young, and willing to believe anything Geoff told me.

"It's called levitation, an' I read a book about it in the library. Everyone used to be able to do it, but it's been evolved out of us down the years."

"Jimmy Hill, it is."

"No really. Book said it's a latent talent that's within us all. All you've got to do is train your mind an' you'll be able to move stuff about no problem."

"I repeat: Jimmy Hill. Itchy chin. And while we're at it: Chinny reck-on."

He looked at me stroking my chin in the accepted manner and shook his head at my lack of belief in what he firmly believed to be scientific fact.

"You're doing it wrong, Duck. The power's behind the ears. Get the lads, I'll show you how it's done."

I dragged Gibbon and Steve away from their game of One Touch, and Geoff took us to a corner of the playground far away from the mocking of our peers.

To a chorus of Jimmy Hills he explained how he had spent the last weeks honing his mental powers ("You're mental alright") and had – only yesterday - actually managed to make a small sewing needle rise a millimetre off the ground.

Only one thing for it: "Prove it, then. Levimatate my front door keys."

And he took that bet.

Imagine if you will, dear reader, a group of twelve-year-old boys sitting in a circle, eyes fixed on a set of door keys, all waggling their ears as one urged the others on with the words "Power! Use the power!"

There would, in fact, be a strongly-worded lecture in the following day's school assembly about dabbling in witchcraft and that-which-we-do-not-understand.

But back to the present, and inside the circle, things were happening.

"Harder!" Geoff urged us, "Concentrate harder!"

And we did.


How hard did he want us to concentrate?

"Harder! I think it's moving!"


"Nnnnnnnnng! Harder!"




"Aaaaaaaargh!" said Gibbon sheepishly, "I've shat meself."


That broke up the circle pretty sharpish, I can tell you for nothing.

"See?" said Geoff, as Gibbon fled to the lost property basket, "Proved positive. That's 10p you owe me."

I shall never doubt the power of SCIENCE, ever again.

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