Don't talk to me about mystery gifts.I once bought a house in Reading, from a dodgy sort of chap who was moving back to Ireland.
He struck me as a dodgy fella from the start by the tractor parts he kept around the house, and his insistence on declining to give a forwarding address on the grounds that he hadn't actually built his house, nor would the Irish government ever find out that he was building a house.
But still, he was selling us his house at a bargain price, on the understanding that we never attempt to dig up any part of the garden.
Lovely chap.
The first Christmas after we moved in, there was a knock on the door. It was a man-with-a-van.
"Your hamper," he said.
"My what?"
"Your hamper. Sign here."
I signed, and received, in return, a lovely Christmas hamper full of all manner of footstuffs and sweets. Quite literally the Best Christmas Walford's Ever Seen
It was from Aunty Brenda, whoever she was. We presumed she was related to Mr Dodgy who lived there before us, but with no way of finding out short of sending the thing back to the hamper company, we scoffed the lot.
This happened for three years, and the mystery hamper supply stopped.
Then came a knock on the door. It was the police.
"It's about Mr Dodgy..."
"You can't prove anything. It's all gone."
"Wait...what?"
"Aunty Brenda. We know nothing."
"I have no idea what you're talking about. We were just wondering..."
"Yes?"
"...if you knew what he did with the firearms?"
[beat]
"His Aunty Brenda?"
"On our way."
Aunty Brenda - wherever you are - We're very, very sorry. But it was tasty. And we hope they didn't need the latex gloves.
18 comments:
first! In my defense I couldn't sleep.
They did use the latex gloves, you bastards. They could've bought me dinner first though...
Turd for footstuffs.
Your Google ad sponsor thing is linking to holidays in North Korea. Didn't know you could go on holiday to North Korea. Coud you ask your friend Mr Kim? DK
I know somebody who actually went to Pyongyang for a holiday.
He went on the rollercoaster at Kim Jong-Il Happy Fun Land and made this website as a result:
http://www.pyongyangrollercoaster.com/
That thing looked as if it were going to rust apart any second. Do you think that park is where he stores his atomic toys? Or - more likely - just where he tests them.
The rollercoaster. The thrill is presumably the fear of not really knowing whether you'll get round before it falls apart. It must be the same thrill as taking an inland flight in the former USSR
Richard, I heard that Aeroflot used to mark your surname on your forehead at check-in, to make body identification a lot easier.
Another 'hurrah for footstuffs!'
Want me to sort out the typos again, Scary? ;)
Yes, because I can't be arsed! ;)
I wondered why Brenda suddenly stopped sending the hampers. And developed a limp.
hey,
came here through a tag. real great read.
the tag/award is at
http://shyamram.blogspot.com/2009_05_01_archive.html
and
http://ummon.wordpress.com/2009/06/06/discovery-of-the-month-june/
A limp what? Is Uncle Audrey telling tales out of college?
A limp what? Is Uncle Audrey telling tales out of college?
Poor, dear, sweet Aunty Brenda has Jacob Two-two Disease.
That may be so Wrathy Dawn, but at least I don't have electile dysfunction like these British.
Good one, Aunty Brenda! :)
It's interesting to see just how permeant virtual memory has become in our everyday lives. It seems like everytime I turn my head, I see something with a card slot or USB port, haha. I guess it makes sense though, considering how much more afforable memory has become as of late...
Ahhh, who am I to complain. I can't make it through a day without using my R4 / R4i!
(Submitted on SeKu for R4i Nintendo DS.)
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