I'll never forget the words poor, dead, orange Dale Winton said to me as I bumped into him on London's Drury Lane not the other day.A bright summer's morning, made all the brighter as I bounced off the fluorescent A-Lister outside the area's second cheapest hotel as he rushed from tanning salon to a nearby shop that had a special offer on gravy browning.
"Whoop!" he said, bouncing off me.
"Whoop!" – Words to cherish, take to your heart, mould to your entire way of living.
"Whoop!" – I said nothing. Lips sealed. Stunned into silence. Converting immediately from The Sacred Church of Geri "Out of the way, pleb!" Halliwell to the one true religion: The Temple of Winton.
For I knew that in the face of such a presence, anything I said would have spoiled the moment.
Such as: "Fucking hell, Winton, you're an orange bastard."
Or: "Never meet your heroes - you'll always be disappointed. Good thing you're not my hero".
I spent the rest of the day thinking of the fun I could be having on Supermarket Sweep. For eg: None at all.
Scaryduck's "Did you know...?" No. 56,021
The BBC has sold its Dale Winton-fronted National Lottery-based game show to Canadian TV. The format is to be adapted for Eskimo audiences, and will be named "Inuit to Win it"
Furthermore a version for Eskimo youth will also be made, called "Inuit to win it, innit"
Attempts to break into the Chinese TV market have proved somewhat problematic. Producers started recording a pilot episode of hit TV show Wheel of Fortune in 1997 not realising the complexity of the Mandarin language. Twelve years and 37,000 failed guesses down the line, the contestants are still trying to solve the first puzzle.
22 comments:
Sorry about the late publish - this should have gone live about five hours ago.
F U R S T !
In that case,
FIRST!
And about timme too, I was getting worried ;)
Damn.
I didn't see that you'd claimed FURST already.
Curse you, Scary.
And SECOND! for being Tangoed!
How many times do I have to click on the ad to get Mrs Duck some Champagne and Caviar? Personally I prefer Dom Perignon, I gather the 1998 is rather cheeky
Ain't no ads 'ere, must be Adblock doin it's thang
luv geoff
Apology accepted, however, I was winton to read this during my lunchbreak.
I shall click on your tenuously linked ads - Fast Cars and Best Blogging Tool. Although I suspect the latter is some sort of award for bogans with blogs.
TFMD is right. Click on the ads. With just two quick manoeuvres on the mousepad, I have seen a 1960 Goggomobil and improved my blog. GO-GGO. Only of amusement to Australians, that one.
The only ad I have visible is Top Gear t shirts.
If TFMD wants me to click on that she should post herself and say so. I am starting to wonder if she actually exists ...
How Men Become Pope
NEW Board Game is Fun and Educational too! Learn more... (www.vaticanboardgames.com)
Haven't managed to find on the site how women become pope, though.
I've done the click several times, so you'd better get something good for supper, damn it!
I thought of you when the following appeared next to my gmail the other day:
"Cheap North Korea Hotels - Hotels-Rates.com - Save 70% on North Korea Hotels. Quality Rooms at Low Prices!"
I haven't tried it myself.
By the way, I read your blog in an RSS reader. Some blogs (but not yours) manage to get adverts into their RSS feeds. Maybe a friendly techie can suggest how you do this.
Oliver
clickety-click.
Now that should be worth a Tesco Value ready-meal or two... :)
The orangest person I have met was Sir Tony of Blackburn, shortly after doing the jungle thing. I'd never seen anything that colour before let alone a human.
Shortly before my third googlead payment, they worked out that 90% of my clicks probably came from the same three or four people. This is why I got the "account suspended" email.
The orangest person I have met was Sir Tony of Blackburn, shortly after doing the jungle thing. I'd never seen anything that colour before let alone a human.
Shortly before my third googlead payment, they worked out that 90% of my clicks probably came from the same three or four people. This is why I got the "account suspended" email.
I was on a game show a few years ago with Mr Winton. After falling down the stairs he described himself as "...chomping at the bit. And I've chomped on a few bits in my time I can tell you."
Time to go....
Oliver: I don't insert the ads into the content because that is - by-and-large - a Bad Thing.
At least on the side bar people only notice them when I remind them they're there.
Am spending a part of my evening examing Ann Widdecombe's expenses claims via the Guardian excellent new online toy. Apparetnly she likes Vodafone to address her as "Miss".
Suggets you all waste some time reviewing MP's expanses.
GT
I think I have one over scary. I once literally bumped into the famous TV newsreader, and question master from BBC TV's 'Mastermind', John Humphrys.
On one of my rare visits to London I was attempting to cross the road opposite BBC Broadcasting House, saw a gap in the traffic, and ran like mad. Unfortunately at the same time as John Humphrys came running out from the opposing direction from Broadcasting House.
We momentarily embraced each other on the edge of the pavement!
Actually he's a really nice bloke. Even though he was very obviously running late for his next appointment he took the time to make sure I was alright (I was winded in the collision), and was apologising profusely.
The E word is no longer, strictly speaking, PC you might like to know.
/pedant mode
I'll thank you not to say bad things about the Lady Geri, my crumpet of choice for midnight manipulations.
I know, I know: I always feel so REGRETFUL and so DIRTY afterwards, but that would be much like the real thing, no?
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