"So," I hear you ask, "what's it like to have 240 of the Queen's volts coursing through your body as you inadvertantly connect yourself to the National Grid, the very life being torn from you in a bizarre DIY accident?"In the name of SCIENCE, and in a week that has increasingly resembled the plot of Final Destination, I am able to tell you.
For yesterday, I stood at the top of a ladder, the domestic power supply firmly switched off, grasping the red and the black cables, it became immediately apparant that the belming imbecile I had paid a small fortune to rewire the house had bypassed the consumer unit altogether and sent me a personal supply direct from Southern Electricity.
There was, of course, only one person to blame for this near-tragic state of affairs:
So, this nearly dying business: What's it like?
Does your entirely life flash in front of your eyes? Do the glowing white figures of Michael Jackson and Jade Goody urge you to make for the light? Is there time to stop off and give Derek Acorah's Sam a right old cock-punch?
No. None of this.
This is what happens when you get electrocuted: You make a sound almost exactly like Brian Blessed gargling Tabasco. Then you fall of the ladder, still making a noise almost exactly like Brian Blessed gargling Tabasco.
Then, once your family have ascertained that you have not been killed TO DEATH, you get absolutely no sympathy at all, and the words "You're going to put this on your blog, aren't you?"
"Yes. Yes I am."
I now have a tiny, tiny burn on the middle finger of my left hand, and excellent super powers.
If hideous near death experiences come in threes, I'm still owed one.
KFC bargain bucket tonight...
19 comments:
Furst!
Yea for Scary's electrifying new superpowers.
p.s. Good luck with the KFC tonight.
Second for KFC
Turd!
Shockingly good story...
BTDT.
Ow.
http://www.stevedix.de/blog/449
Steve: As we both now have elctrical superpowers, I will allow you to be my Super Side-Kick
Please confirm that you survived the incident. If you are dead I shall remove your RSS feed.
Thank you.
I had 1 of them electical super powers but the wheel fell off.
GT
I was given a "mains tester" as a present and one evening back in the days of sharing a house in Guildford, I thought I'd see if I could make the bulb light up. Touching it to the live did nothing, so I tried touching it across both contacts. Cue blackout and shouting. I wandered into the hallway with a torch and nonchalently reset the breakers with a ....musta bin the washing machine again...
Good luck with KFC night. Be sure to take pictures.
Brian Blessed gargling Tabasco. I laughed until a little bit of wee came out.
Adding insult to injury - that small charge that went through your body will appear on your next bill.
Have you any idea what your superpowers are yet?
Heard he's selected Russia, China and India, Richard.
This sounds vaguely familiar to a story a friend told me about when he and his Dad were doing some re-wiring. My friend shouts up to his Dad on the floor above:
"Dad! Are you sure this is turned off?"
"Of course son, of course"
"Right, I'll just MWWWWWAAAAAARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGHHHHHHHH... mmmm...fsssssssh" *thump*
silence
"Ah. Then again, perhaps not."
So did you get a blue flash?
Scary: Does this mean that your new super powers have something to do with 'Flashing'?
If not, please tell me that you have the power to stop Wimbledon and Glastonbury from taking over coverage on BBC1 & 2 24/7?
PS. Please save me a drumstick, akay? Cheers!
KFC. The final ded to DETH frontier.
You do realise that in addition to being killed nearly DEAD, you were in all likelihood in violation of UK law.
http://www.diynot.com/wiki/electrics:part_p:diy_electrical_work_and_the_law
Langford Bosthwick
Senior Partner
Dewey Cheatham and Howe
keep an eye on that tiny burn, it could be bigger on the inside :(
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