Another day, another trip to IKEA, and this time I am on a mission.A mission powered by actual SCIENCE and MATHS.
My sole intent: The liberation of 1 (one IKEA pencil) in order to furnish my home.
Some people walk out of the place with dozens, if not hundreds of the things, but they are missing the point (as it were). All the committed office supplies thief needs is a single, solitary IKEA pencil.
And here are the maths:
The Swedish furniture chain has 313 stores in some 38 countries, employing over 127,000 staff.
Within these stores, according to MATHS, the company has provided 2.67 million million million million million pencils, enough to give 6 million million billion pencils to every man, woman and child on the face of the planet.
Or, to put it another way, one IKEA pencil is EXACTLY the same as repeatedly dissolving the entire company in an unlimited quantity of water, and putting one drop of the water onto a sugar pill.
ONE PENCIL = The entire homeopathic essence of the company
You can take this one homeopathic pencil and use it to furnish your home with the entire IKEA catalogue.
Also, you can eat it and it tastes of meatballs.
And this is 100 per cent genuine, unproven SCIENCE.
10 comments:
Yes, that may work, but when you get said pencil home, you have to put it together using a hex key (formerly known as an Allan Key, but since the legal action by all the Alans, Allans and Allens of the world, no longer) and a set of instructions featuring the Ikea guy who mostly seems to phone his local branch to ask for help.
But, if you went to IKEA you would turn into a woman. That is not homeopathy, it is just the laws of physics. Do not go there again, nor come running to me if you suddenly decide that there are more than nine colours, or that you need more than 2 pairs of shoes.
Do NOT go to Ikea.
One research group here combats long periods of boredom, caused by sitting around waiting for the science to work, by playing "The IKEA Game", whereby one person takes a catalogue, opens it at random and reads out the name of a product. It is then up to the others to guess what the actual use of the product is.
Also: You can achieve a similar effect by cutting up the catalogue and sticking the pictures to the wall with small balls of blu-tac.
I can tell you something else that tastes like meatballs, and it wasn't invented by the Nazis either.
The reason for all the pencils is because Richard used to come home with pockets of them. So your "ONE PENCIL = The entire homeopathic essence of the company" is entirely down to the actions of this evil, terrible man as I can now no longer write things down when in IKEA due to the lack of pencils.
If you bring home a tape measure and leave it over night you'll have Agnetha out of Abba sitting in a Volvo estate in your living room by morning. FACT.
I like your thinking on homeopathic essence of a corporate entity. I am off to purchase 1, that's one, share of Apple Inc. Come Monday morning, I shall explain homeopathic essence to the board of Apple Computers and by Monday afternoon, if anybody is looking for me, I shall be rolling around naked in my very own personal Olympic swimming pool full of iMoney.
*wonders*
Does the same hold true for Argos?*
*but with pens
Well, that explains *that* then.
Do you have a solution for the having-to-walk-through-the-ENTIRE-store-in-order-to-buy-one-dustbin problem? 'Cause that's what REALLY annoys me about Ikea.
Goodness, there is a great deal of effective info above!
Post a Comment