Things to do when you're bored
Stuck for a compelling read, I read the Reading and District phone book ("Book of the year" - Paul Ross) from cover-to-cover, but got bored and skipped to the last page.
Spoiler Alert: Zachary Z. Zzyzz did it.
You'd think it was Dave Voldemort - but he's a red herring who disappears as the work reaches its thrilling climax.
Also, don't get too attached to the Aaron A. Aardvark character - you don't see too much of him after the first page, and some of the characterization is shocking in the extreme.
However, despite a lack of a coherent plotline that makes it read like Brett Easton Ellis, there's a nice musical aside about the Smiths about three-quarters of the way through, just as you're beginning to despair.
Then, still bored out of my skull, I counted the perforations on a teabag. 1997 on one side, 1996 on the other. Obviously, they've sold me a factory reject, and I shall demand a refund in the strongest possible terms.
I am not mad.