Monday, September 05, 2011

NINJA SKILLS

NINJA SKILLS

To Waitrose for essential supplies of cake and biscuits.

Alas, my way to the tasty, tasty cookies was blocked by a little old lady trying to reach the premium brands made from Soylent Green and plutonium ore on the top shelf, and failing miserably.

And then, like a veritable biscuity waterfall, she knocks a deluge of packets from the shelf, all destined for the floor, closely followed by a skip round the back.

Time. Stops.

I lunge forward. Left hand. Right hand. Snatching the plummeting packets from the air, handing them off into my trolley before going back for more.

I am a blur, dressed head-to-toe in black, and not one of those biscuits hits the floor. NOT ONE.

"Woah," said a passing dude, "Ninja skills!"

And he is correct. My Ninja skills are indeed l33t. And there lies the problem: My l33t Ninja skills have been witnessed by members of the public, who may identify me as a Ninja.

Seconds later, the problem is resolved.

Then, I bought myself a nice packet of - oh-ho! - Ninja Biscuits and went home.

6 comments:

Pseudonymph said...

I read a news report that ninjas were involved in that whole mortgage collapsy thing in America. Is this true?

Captain Sketchy said...

If you had red hair and similar skills would you be a Ginja Ninja?

TRT said...

I want to see an advert where a balaclava clad ninjitsu warrior jumps out from the bushes next to a road accident and proceeds to strip down to a pinstripe suit only to hand the unfortunate victim a card reading "Ninjary Lawyers 4U"

Debster said...

If you were nervous you could be a ninja worrier. Or if you moan about things, a ninja whinger.

The gently steaming yak said...

Eat all the biscuits in one sitting and become the ninja binger

LNFAW said...

http://lnfaw.blogspot.com/2011/02/harrowing-historic-week-in-egypt.html