Monday, December 26, 2011


I get email!

"Dear Freelancer", says the client's pitch in comic sans, the font of champions, "We are producer's of homeopathic remedy's and other New Age and Alternative treatment's. We are looking for somebody who can design an e-commerce website so we can market our product's online. If you are interested, please email us with detail's of your solution and a quote for the finished website.

"Boomshanka!* West Country Alternative Bollocks Limited**"

* The original may not have ended with 'Boomshanka'
** May not actually be called West Country Alternative Bollocks Limited

So I reply:

Dear WCAB Ltd,

We note with interest your recent request for a design/publication solution for your corporate web presence. In view of the subject matter, and the enormous amounts of actual, proven SCIENCE that will have to be poured into our proposed solution, we are happy to provide you with the following quote:

One website, plus hosting, plus VAT, plus damp course:

You may be somewhat alarmed at the unexpectedly large sum quoted; but you will be encouraged by the fact that it will leave your bank account diluted to homeopathic levels, and therefore stronger than it has ever been.

Granted, we have no proof for this hypothesis, but - frankly - you started this.

We look forward to your reply.

Be lucky.

Your pal, Albert O'Balsam Website Design PLC
Wow. I can just taste the 2,700,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,097 penny chews already.

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