Friday, December 16, 2011


Football! Get a kick! Done a goal! Kicky kicky foul ref! It's the planet's favourite and full of actual FACTS. For eg:

1. Under new FIFA rules, any player sent off must look after the referee's guide dog for the rest of the match

2. Eighties New Rom band A Flock of Seagulls comprised the entire back four of the 1978 Brighton and Hove Albion squad. Despite being confirmed "Seagulls", they still managed to find fame after recruiting a former Crystal Palace reserve goalkeeper as their drummer

3. Ironically, A Flock of Seagulls frontman Mike Score never once scored in his entire Seagulls career

4. Much unkind press has been aimed at Tourette's sufferer and goalkeeper Tim Howard, but he knew what he was getting into when he signed for Manchester Fucking Twat Fuck United Cock in the first place

5. In an effort to make themselves more marketable on the internet, several teams are to change their name to appeal to the more savvy web user.
- Tottenham LOLspurs
- FAILchester United
- EPIC WINbledon

6. People who incorrectly refer to AC Milan as "AC" rather than "Milan" are doing themselves no favours at all, "AC" being Italian for "I'm a massive bellend and spend my weekends blowing goats"

7. Female? Don't understand the offisde law? Calm down and make me a cup of tea while I explain: Women are genetically pre-disposed to finding this most complex of Hawkingsian eleven-dimensional theories beyond their comprehension. The same genetic defect applies to the male understanding of the appeal of Sex and the City

8. Good news for David Beckham fans - Goldenballs himself has joined Twitter to give the world a peek at his take on the world of football. Unfortunately, his stream consists only of the words "Done a kick" and variations thereof

9. Coolio's classic rap anthem "C U When I Get There" describes an epic road trip to see his beloved West Ham United play Middlesbrough for a Tuesday night League Cup fixture, only to find the game called off due to a frozen pitch

10. Football teams named after drugs. Just say NO, kids!
- Crystal Meth Palace
- Crack-burn Rovers
- Heroinverness Calendonian
- Ecstasy City
- Bristol Rohypnol
Let's hear it for football!

No comments: