TOP TIPS FOR MEN, and MORE TOP TIPS FOR OTHER MEN

MEN! Always leave the toilet seat up when you finish your business, just in case the next person to use the toilet is another man.

Also, this gives vital relief to otherwise thirsty pets and/or small children; and gives equally vital seat-lowering exercise to any subsequent female toilet users.

This advice is particularly useful if you are taking advantage of the superior 'Enough room to swing several cats' facilities offered by the disabled cubicle.

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TOP TIPS FOR LORRY DRIVERS

LORRY DRIVERS! Make yourself pots of extra cash by following these simple instructions:

1. Set up a £2.00 per minute premium rate phone number terminating in the Cayman Islands.

2. Stick the number on the back of your truck with the words "How's my driving?"

3. Drive like a nobber

Profit!