Friday, March 09, 2012

Daily Mail FACTS

The Daily Mail - the Flying Spagetti Monster help us all - is the world's most popular news website and provider of internet linkbait. Instead of thumping our chests at this dreadful state of affairs, here are some facts about the Fdaily Mail as we celebrate that unique British success story:

Founded by famed necromancer and all-found nuisance Aleistair Crowley in 1898 as a joke, the first front page read "Can Dread Cthulhu Give You Cancer?" For the first and only time in the history of the Daily Mail, the answer being "Yes"

The Mail's oft-quoted "Hurrah for the Blackshirts!" article from 1934 is often taken out of context. Instead of praising Oswald Moseley's fascists, the item by Lord Rothermere was actually in praise of Manchester United's newly-unveiled change kit

The Daily Mail website's Right Hand Column of Doom goes all the way down through the middle of the Earth, coming out the other side of the planet with stories about Australian celebrities in bikinis

On the one occasion a story accidentally appeared in the Daily Mail's Right Hand Column Of Doom which did not feature a female celebrity in a bikini, the sub-editor on that duty was dragged out, flooged and forced to change their name by deed poll to Daily Mail Reporter

According to official records, there are 27 people working at the Daily Mail who have changed their names by deed poll to Daily Mail Reporter

Laugh a minute Daily Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn is famed for his catchphrase "You couldn't make it up", which is ironic as it's something he manages at least twice a week. THIS IS SATIRE AT WORK, PEOPLE

Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre says the title has never resorted to phone hacking to obtain celebrity stories. Also on his phone messages, he's going to be late home tonight, and "God, I hate talking to answerphones" THIS IS ALSO SATIRE AT WORK, PEOPLE
Let's hear it for the Daily Mail, everybody!

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