July 31st 1660: Up betimes, and to myne publisher Mr Murdoch post-haste with the manuscript for the book over which I have toiled this last thirty days.
It is a veritable tale of both mirth and woe, and recounts my incredible adventures o'er the first six months of this year which have seen my great'st triumph (for eg, the favour of HIS MAJESTY) and my low'st ebb (viz: getting nail'd to a tree by an enrag'd vicar). The world shall marvel at my works, except, possibly, the bits about bowk'ng rich brown vomit into hedges of which there are many.
Found Mr Murdoch expir'd from the exploding horse ague, so sold my manuscript for a groat and enjoy'd a frolick'ng night with Southwark Sally and a Rook Pie. And so to bed.
Or, in the Queen's English - my book SAMUEL PEPYS: LUST FOR GLORY is now available to buy, either in dead tree format, download and Amazon Kindle.
It's got (in no particular order) Samuel Pepys, a small dog called Lucy Minogue, zombies, a man in a fez who travels in a blue box and more sicking inna hedge than you can shake a shitty stick at. And - this is the reason it took so long to write - it is 100 per cent historically accurate.
BUY SAMUEL PEPYS: LUST FOR GLORY
From Lulu.com: Paperback edition
From Lulu.com: Electronic edition
From Amazon: Kindle Edition
Don't take my word for it, here what Sir Isaac Newton of the Royal Society has to say about this lost masterpiece:
"Thou shalt laugh. Thou shalt cry. Thou shalt hurl." - Sir Isaac NewtonAnd you can't get fairer than that.
Save me from poverty. Buy my book.