Sainsburys. The supermarket of champions, where I have completed my selections (box of own-brand nurofen and six-pack of Twiglets) and I head for the self-service till."Do you have your own bags?" the friendly machine voice asks.
Yes. Yes I have.
"Please place your bag in the bagging area."
I place my bag in the bagging area.
"Unexpected item in the bagging area."
Well, excuse me while I go absolutely bloody flippy.
"AAAAAARGH!" I say. "AAAAAAARGH!"
"You asked me to put my bag in the bagging area, I put my bag in the bagging area, then when I put my bag in the bagging area you have the front to tell me you weren't expecting a bag in the bagging area.
"Just let me put my bag in the bagging area, or I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU TO DEATH."
The self-service till wrangler saw me in my predicament, and came across to help.
"Look, all I want to do is put my bag in the bagging area, and when I put my bag in the bagging area, it tells me there's an unexpected item in the bagging area. PLEASE help me put my bag in the bagging area."
"Oh, it's always doing that," she said in a tone of voice that gave the air she was going to ask if I wanted to rub her tits too, "Would you like to rub my tits too?"
I paid for my Twiglets and left, with just one thought on my mind: "I could get 500 words out of this."
Author's note: Some of this story may be untrue.
8 comments:
Did you pay for the own-brand nurofen ????
I hope you paid to rub her tits.
The bar code is on the underside, so you need to be quite strong and agile to get it to scan.
I could tell you many a tale about tit related scanning shenanigans.
I knew it. The self service till let you put your bag in there first time and you thought you would make up this story to take the readers eyes away from the fact you gropped a 65yr old sainsbury's workers tits!
Sainsbury's chucked me out!
They had a sign saying 'Self Service area' so I went there and had a wank.
Why'd they chuck me out?
Still, it's better than slapping an ASDA worker's arse.
I work in a supermarket. I think your story is 100% fact. You missed an opportunity there, young Scarey.
Bloody, bloody, word verification... Every bloody time!
And no email subscription to comments any more. Poor showing from blogger!
"Unexpected pervert in dogging area."
2 items? That's just wussy. Check out this bozo:
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/50071/
He's got unexpected items er, everywhere........
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