Monday, August 05, 2013
What's it like to have an endoscopy?
After receiving a cunningly-worded invitation from Frimley Park Hospital expressing a desire to stick a television camera down my throat, I rolled up expecting a day of pain and woe as they prodded around at my stomach ulcer.
"So", I asked, eyeing the evil-looking snake they intended to shove down my parts, "will it hurt?"
Also: "You've cleaned it since the last guy, right?"
No, it won't hurt.
Also: They do bums in the mornings, throats in the afternoon, and they always, always clean the endoscope. If they've got time.
Taking a look at the throbbing, glowing monstrosity, I took them up on their kind offer of sedation. My last words as I went under – just as the doctor turned on the music – were "Oh shit, you're not making me listen to sodding Coldplay as wel…."
Then I woke up with a nasty taste in my mouth.
That would be the anti-gag reflex throat spray. I hope.
And they liked me so much, they invited me back.
(If there's one thing I've learned from this experience, it's that everybody's had one.I didn't realise that the medical profession was so keen to see inside us all)