If Paul Daniels is such a great magician, how come he can't stop his river-front house from flooding every time it rains?
Your handy cut-out-and keep guide to what's shit and what's quite good on the internet this week.
My local Entrance to Hell. It's nice to know that Hades is only a bus ride away.
Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter: The Son of God is among us, going biblical with his homies on Vampire buttocks. In a Kung-Fu stylee. Why this epic isn't showing on a screen near you RIGHT NOW is frankly beyond me.
The Law of the Playground: Log has finally got round to updating the second best website in the world. Watch out for entries by a certain Harry Grout, an early prototype for Scaryduck.
US Bombing Watch: When was the last time the US and UK bombed Iraq? Yesterday, as it happens.
And if that hasn't scared the willies out of you, here's George's agenda for the next few years courtesy of Fark:
2002 - Afghanistan
2003 - Iraq/North Korea
2004 - Iran and re-election in a landslide.
2005 - Syria/Jordan
2006 - Saudi Arabia
2007 - North Africa from the Horn to Libya
2008 - the war on drugs heats up - Southern Hemisphere tour!
And to wind things up, click on this here linky and sign the petition. David Rocastle was one of the finest young football players this country has known, died on March 31st 2001 from Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a virulent cancer of the immune system.
Ross Clark is trying to get Arsenal FC, Rocky's former club, to arrange a testimonial match in his name to raise money for cancer research. Let's hope they're listening, as it would be a fitting tribute to an immense talent who is sadly missed by this Gooner in particular. Thankfully, people survive cancer and live to tell the tale.
Edit: I forgot to mention that Joy is one of the best blog writers I've come across. Never mind her illness, she's an English teacher and a budding screenwriter first of all. I didn't want to come across as patronising, but I did. Oops.
And remember, in the words of the guru David Brent: When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"