Wednesday, January 08, 2003

"Liar of the Year Award 2002"

Four years ago, I started the Lie Emporium, a website dedicated to lies, whoppers, porkies, politicians and just plain old cheap gags. Every year, we run a Liar of the Year Award, which is invariably won by Jeffrey Archer for his sheer persistance at the art of lying even in the face of the cold, hard truth slapping him in the face with a wet fish.

This year, there's a new cat in town, and nothing was going to stop him from running off with the cream. Laaaydeeees an' Gennelmen, we present, shamelessly cut-and-pasted from Scaryduck's House of Lies, the Liar of the Year Award 2002

We asked for your nominations for the 2002 Liar of the Year Awards, and we got 'em. And what a year it's been for liars with the toughest judging session we've ever had to endure - a whole ten minutes between pints at The Black Horse. In no particular order, the nominations are:
  • President Saddam Hussein: “What weapons? That sir, is a baby milk factory.”

  • Al-Qaeda: "Of couse he's still alive. Is this badly produced audio cassette featuring the voice talents of Mike Yarwood not proof enough?"

  • Lord Jeffrey Archer: “Yes Mrs Prison Officer, I’m just popping out for a packet of smokes and a bar of chocolate, and promise not to go to any parties or anything. At all.”

  • Pope John Paul II: “So, these sex pervert priests. Run that past me again.”

  • The FBI: "Terrorist Code Red! They slipped over the border with a car full of nukes. We're all gonna DIE! AAAARGH! No, hang on, it was just the Johnson family from Vancouver. Sorry."
But there can only be one winner, and he rose head and shoulders above the crowd. Yes, folks, it's Hail to the Thief! The 2002 Liar of the Year Award goes to His Royal Highness the President of the United States for a whole year of wanky bollocks which boils down to just fourteen easy-to-remember words:
  • GWB: “AAARGHHHH!!! They’re coming, they’re coming to kill us all! Buy more oil and cars.”
George Walker Bush, Emperor of the World, Guardian of the Holy Oil Wells - you scare the shit out of us, but we salute you.

This programme has been brought to you by the number sixty-nine and the first amendment.

The Scaryduck Archive

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