Sunday, June 15, 2003

"None More Black"

I now declare that the Greatest Film Ever Made poll is now closed. After a series of unfortunate ballot-stuffing episodes, it is my immense pleasure to announce that the finest piece of celluloid in the known universe is THIS IS SPINAL TAP.

Due to other commitments, director Marty DeBergy is unable to collect his award, so the commemorative cucumber-wrapped-in-tinfoil will have to stay down my trousers for the time being.

Next week, Scaryduck will be asking for your opinions on the WORST movies you've ever seen. Thinking caps: on.

"And now it's only six foot four"

Alt URL= Nothing to see here, please move along.
I expect you've all been asking yourselves about my wang, haven't you? At the start of this month, I decided to scan through all my e-mails and work out how long the Mighty Mallet would be if I took up every single offer of "manhood enhancement" that passed through my mailbox. And it's not been without its sacrifices.

Many of these e-mails are filled with all kinds of nasties and spyware, so even in the act of opening them, I've sentenced myself to a lifetime of donkey sex spammage.

So, for the first two weeks of The Wang Project, I've received no less than fifty-nine unsolicited offers of turning my dong into a DONG, adding an impressive 212 inches to its length. You'd have thought I'd be pleased with having and eighteen foot member, and frankly, I am. But it was not until recently that I received help in that thorny problem: Hung like and elephant, normal sized plums. That is, until now. I have received no less than two separate offers to increase the size of my nads, so now I can have my cake and eat it. Nob that can be used in the Olympic Pole Vault, and nadgers like coconuts. Fan-bloody-tastic. And all thanks to the interweb.

Not only am I now hung like a Blue Whale, I'm stinking, filthy rich too. For the last two weeks, I've also been collecting Nigerian 419 scam e-mails. I'm hoping to break ONE BILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS for the month, and so far I'm greatly encouraged. Thanks to the legions of entreprenuers hammering away at their keyboards in downtown Lagos, I've been offered a staggering USD 445,500,000 so far this month. And who says there's no money to be made on the net?

Natch, once I've got my Nigerian money, I'm going to have an operation to make my nob normal again.

“Scaryduck’s ‘Did You Know...?’ No. 48”
If you leave the hazard warning lights flashing on your car, you can park anywhere you like, even on the pitch during the FA Cup Final. You may remember the famous "Capri Ghia" final of 1978.

The surgically enhanced Scaryduck Archive

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