Friday, June 06, 2003

"Slacking Off: The Movie"

It appears that my choice of Ghostbusters as The Greatest Movie Ever Made has stirred up a certain amount of controversy. So, in the interests of democracy, I’ve decided to put the whole affair to a vote. I’ve whittled out all that Citizen Kane and Casablanca shit that no bugger’s going to vote for, and have come up with the definitive top ten list of slacker comedy movies. There are no other genres worthy of our attention (except, perhaps, the “Ebony Humpers” series). So, gentlemen, start your engines...

Animal House: Let’s look at the facts here - Lord of the Rings never had a toga party; and frankly, the road trip scene in the Seven Samurai left a lot to be desired. Nope, the world revolves around bar-room philosophising, and this movie is the proof. Belushi is the living embodiment of how modern life should be tackled. Apart from all that stuff about drink, drugs an’ dying, but hey, nobody’s perfect.

“If you lay one finger on that poor sweet helpless girl, you'll despise yourself forever”. “You homo.”

Fletch: Masterpiece performance from Chevy Chase as wise-ass reporter getting in far too deep for his own good.

“This little proposition doesn't entail me dressing as Little Bo-Peep, does it? “

Blazing Saddles: The king of bad taste movies from the king of bad taste Mel Brooks. It was a toss up between this, The Producers (“Springtime for Hitler”) and Young Frankenstein. Erratic genius.

“Mongo only pawn... in game of life.”
“Goddammit, Mr. Lamarr, sir, you use your tongue purdier than a twenny dollar whore!“
“You be my guest, and I be your host. What be your pleasure, Jim?” “I don't know... play chess... screw...” “Let's play chess!”

This is Spinal Tap: The best documentary, or if you will, “rockumentary”, about a non-existent rock band, ever.

“As long as there's, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll.”
“These go to eleven.”
“Big bottom, big bottom / Talk about mud flaps, my baby's got 'em!”

Caddyshack: Films about golf are not funny. NOT FUNNY! Except this one.

“Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers! THE LITTLE BROWN, FURRY RODENTS!”

Withnail and I: Shambolic tale of two ne’er-do-well actors’ holiday somewhere in the Dark Ages. Richard E Grant ended up doing “Spiceworld”, which shows that it was downhill all the way after this peak.

“Who says it's a Camberwell Carrot?” “I do. I invented it in Camberwell, and it looks like a carrot.”
“We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here, and we want them now!”

Braindead: One word - Zombies!

“Your mother ate my dog!” “Not all of it.”
“I kick arse for the Lord!”

Ghostbusters: The great movie of all time, and I shall be regularly fixing the vote to make sure it wins. Err...

“Everything was fine, until dickless here cut off the power grid!” “Is that true?” “Yes, Your Honour, this man has no dick.”
"If somebody asks you if you're a God you say YES!"

Monty Python’s Life of Brian: Hang on, if Ghostbusters is the best film ever, what about this one? Like Mel Brooks, it was a toss-up between Brian and Holy Grail.

“He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!”
“All right! I am the Messiah!” “He is! He is the Messiah!” “Now, fuck off!”
“What’s this? ‘People called Romans, they go the house?’”

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure: Forget all that quasi-religious shite in The Matrix, this is all the evidence you need that Keanu is the second coming. Dude.

“I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.” “And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.” “And together, we are WYLD STALLYNS!”
“Put them in the iron maiden.” “Iron Maiden? Excellent!”
“Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.”

These are your nominations. Vote-o! Write-in votes will be accepted in the "Speak your Brains" section. That is all.

Edit: The vote is now closed.

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